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Teen Dating Power and Control Wheel (download here)

How to support a victim. It is your business.

Listen-Really Listen- Often a victim will downplay the problems with their partner. They may say, “My partner has a really bad temper” instead of “My partner beat me up last night.” Believe them- even when victims talk about what is really happening, many times they are not believed because the abuser is well thought of in the family and the community.

Support them- You can help with a safe place to stay, money, or childcare. Do not ask why they stay in the abusive relationship; it is not important and it places blame on the victim.

Be patient- Leaving an abuser is a very dangerous time for a victim. Research over the last ten years indicates that women who leave their batterers are at 75% greater risk of being killed by their batterer than those who stay. Therefore, victims must do it in their own time. Don’t give up!

Do not control them- Often it is tempting to tell a victim that they need to leave the situation for their own safety, but as statistics show, it is a very dangerous time. For this reason, leaving is the victims decision to make whenever they are ready. Also remember the victim is coming from a controlling situation. You do not want to control them even further by telling them what to do.

Inform them- Inform the victim of options and opportunities. Be knowledgeable about financial, housing, and mental health resources in the community. Supply phone numbers, addresses, and information about counseling, support groups, and times. Do not make phone calls or appointments for them. Encourage the victim, do not pressure them.

Tell victims again and again- You can get help. You do not deserve this. It is not your fault. I am here for you.

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